Elvis Sodding Presley
by The Steppy One
Summary: Hermione is left gobsmacked after Ron proves her theories about Elvis Presley wrong. Written for my big sis Solstice Muse for her birthday last year.


**Written for Solstice Muse's birthday last year. What? I'm only a year late posting it!**

* * *

'Oh, I swear if I see one more news article about Elvis's sodding birthday I'll…I'll…'

Ron grinned at his obviously annoyed fiancée.

'You'll what?'

Hermione looked at Ron and huffed.

'I'll…oh shush!'

Ron continued to grin.

'Do mine ears deceive me? Is the very calm under pressure and very articulate Hermione Granger so flustered about something that she cannot form a coherent argument?'

Hermione threw a cushion in Ron's direction, which he easily dodged.

'What's got you so annoyed?'

'That!' Hermione shrieked, waving in the direction of the television.

Ron watched the set for the rest of the article. He looked at the little map of the USA and noticed a red dot situated on the Mississippi River. He watched as people waved and cheered at the camera, watched as a line of people dressed all the same did the same type of hip swivelling dance in the direction of the crowd and the camera, and then a picture of a large grave which was covered in flowers, cards, flags, teddy bears and letters, and finally a report about what was gong to happen outside a place called 'Gracelands' later that evening.

He turned and, trying to suppress another grin, looked at Hermione.

'So, you're getting annoyed because people are celebrating the birthday of someone they admire!'

'Well, really! He's been dead thirty years! Surely there are better ways of commemorating a dead pop star's birthday than sitting outside the biggest shrine to him ever in the pouring rain!'

'At least he is a real person! You were the one who queued outside a book shop at _midnight_ before taking home your _pre-ordered_ copy of the final instalment of I quote '_the best piece of fiction in recent history_' and reading it through the night! You did all that to read about fictional characters who are a figment of the imagination!'

Hermione sat up in her seat and glared at Ron.

'Don't you dare use my love of fiction against me in an argument, Ronald, and may I remind you that you sit out in the pouring rain to watch your Quidditch team lose week in, week out! That's the same type of insanity as mine!'

'The last time I looked Quidditch players were real people!' Ron shouted, loving he was getting Hermione riled up and flustered. 'Elvis is real, as are the Cannons!'

'Elvis _was_ real! He died years ago, yet they still insist on telling us about his birthday every year on the news when there are more important things for us and the whole of Muggle Britain to know about!'

She brought her legs up and crossed them and folded her arms. Ron knew that position; it was the 'don't you even think about trying to quieten me by kissing me' position.

Ron wasn't going to do that this time, he was having too much fun.

'Okay, I'll give you the point about there being more important things that the Muggles should be worrying about, the state of their public transport for one, but I'm afraid Elvis _is_ real. He's alive.'

'Oh don't be so ridiculous, Ronald. You just saw a picture of his grave! He was found in his home in Gracelands unconscious and pronounced dead when he arrived at the hospital. It's recorded fact!'

He loved it when Hermione was trying to prove herself right with fact upon fact brought to the surface of that brain of hers. It was just a shame he was about to prove her wrong.

'Well, yes it is, for the Muggles. That's what he wanted them to believe.'

Hermione glared at him, waiting for him to explain what he had just said.

'Elvis was a wizard who got into a bit of…trouble in the Wizarding world so instead of waiting for the shit to hit the fan he disappeared into the Muggle world. I think initially he intended to keep a low profile but apparently he…fancied a bit of a singing career.'

Hermione's mouth opened and closed as she tried to get her brain to counter what Ron had said with another fact she had stored away.

She couldn't find anything.

Ron couldn't help but smirk. It wasn't often that he could prove Hermione wrong, but he did like to wallow in it when he could.

'It's quite funny, really. You know that programme that was on a few months ago? The one where lots of pretend Elvises all got together and sang to see which was the best pretend Elvis? Well, he entered the competition.'

Hermione shuffled and unfolded her arms.

'And?'

'He came fourth.'

Hermione opened her mouth in disbelief.

'Let me get this straight. Elvis Presley is a wizard, who disgraced himself in the Wizarding Community so went to live amongst the Muggles, but decided that was too boring so started singing and dancing as a career and then…what?'

'Well, turns out he missed the Wizarding world too much. He came back to the Ministry, begged for forgiveness and said he'd be a good little boy from then on and faked his own death in the Muggle World.'

'And now to pass the time of day he pops back into the Muggle world to see if he's still passable as his own creation?' Hermione asked, her question getting louder as it came to completion.

'I think that was a bet actually. Apparently he betted that he could win that competition hands down without using magic to influence the judges, not that he could really anyway – putting a spell on the entire audience of the show would have been a little tricky, whereas the people he bet against said he'd lost his touch.'

Hermione slumped in her seat, defeated. She hated losing arguments, but really, how was she to know otherwise? One thought came to mind that made her groan out loud, though.

'What?' Ron asked through a giggle.

'I can't believe the people who think Elvis is still alive because he'd been abducted by aliens, are, in fact, closer to the truth than I was in believing he was dead!'

Ron laughed out loud and shuffled closer to Hermione. He put an arm around her shoulders and she snuggled into his side.

'Don't think I've forgotten the fact that you mocked my interest in popular fiction!'

'I think _interest_ is a huge understatement, more like _obsession_! And don't think _I've_ forgotten that you mocked my _interest_ in Quidditch!'

'That makes us even, then, doesn't it?' Hermione said with a grin.

'Well, on that score, yes, it does. But I'm still one up on the intelligence front, because I told you something you had absolutely no idea about!'

He had to chuckle, even though he knew it was potentially dangerous, but he knew he was safe, Hermione couldn't get angry with him when he was laughing and being – even if he did think so himself – utterly adorable.

He was right. Hermione turned and straddled him on the sofa and brought her lips down to his. He laughed into her mouth and in response she sucked on his tongue hungrily.

As she continued to kiss him and grind her hips into his groin, he contemplated the way this could have played out. If things had not gone his way, he would be trying to win Hermione round and try and get her to calm down. But as she rocked against him and he grabbed her arse to pull her closer to him, he smiled, knowing he knew Hermione Granger very well.

Then she undid his fly, slipped her hand into his boxers and he lost track of all rational thought.

Apparently she knew him rather well, too.


End file.
